You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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