Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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