Just cropdusted the office
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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