he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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