so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
