Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
