your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
