I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
