The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
