I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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