The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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