Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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