there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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