That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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