I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
