the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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