my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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