new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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