I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
