just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
