why didn't you poke me back
If that was your dad, he is hot
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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