What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I supernannyed him into submission
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
