Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
