Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
