just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its not stalking. its research.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
