How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize