If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
