The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
