I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
