she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
