im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
organizing the empties. That sober.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize