She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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