Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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