Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
