It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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