The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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