you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
