I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
