it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
