I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
