just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
