Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
