She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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