I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
