This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
