Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my being single is dangerous.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
