You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
