I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize