I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
