is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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