Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize