Just mADE A PArabola og urine
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
