She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
FUCK WHALES
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
