I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
