the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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