White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
