No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
