i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
