Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
