she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
