Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize