exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
