i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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