this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
