first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
