He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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