accomplished twins. life is a go
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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