She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize