Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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