From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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