What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
