margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
