i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
