Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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