I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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