So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
even my farts smell like vagina
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
