you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
