nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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