Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
