Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
