I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
