the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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