My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
