you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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