she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
