god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
