i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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