i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
try to milk me bitch
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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