gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
