You just made me feel so damn special
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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