It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
