there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Mom said you looked used
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
