I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
