yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
