I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
