whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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