I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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