So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
