Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
