The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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